the floodgate of feelings:)

the pain still resides i have tried pushing it aside dont want to let it all out but dont want to keep it inside i m hoping it burns away... leaving no stain on my profound state what if in my heart it dies leaving traces of those self-inflicting lies oh what if pain digs its grave here? what if i coudnt run anywhere? when would i get rid of these fears? my sacs are filled with these foreboding tears. help me get rid of this uncertainity would get killed by this insecurity you have this superiority which in my heart gives way to inferiority what if theres no end what if my heart never mends why cant lifes rules be bent maybe these pains were Godsent..! maybe there always comes a time when the sun doesnt shine when life leaves us behind when only memories leave us feeling divine but what really matters is that spark that glows even if we shatter its called hope a very strong rope it helps us let go of the past makes us recognize that everyday wont be sunny and when we are in the ...

he lies, lies wrapped around in those white sheets... he sees, sees tears rolling down his mothers cheeks... he hears, hears loud sobs in his sisters voice he feels, feels helpless because he doesnt have a choice he looks up, and sees the devils face its laughing hysterically,laughing without grace as he sees its eyes filled with malice he couldn't help but pine, for those wasted days he stares towards the heaven sees an angel crying on the seventh they say ,he would have been able, to reach there level if in transgression..he hadn't fallen but now all he can do is frenetically wait to enter in those, inexcusable gates a place that's not of bliss, but of abyss for he had been sinful in all life's ways  and he couldn't get it right now because, regretfully , its just too late... " i am not scared of dying, i am scared of the deedless bags i would be carrying to my Lord"

              ...she curls up uncomfortably in her warm yet cold bed, and her head desperately reaches to rest on her knees...as she dives,deeper in the blanket...she still finds it impossible to hide herself away...she wants to submerge herself even more in the unfathomable darkness...the inexhaustible misery keeps pulling her downwards...and the swim through the vortex of her shallow yet boundless dreams seems unending. she thinks over and over about what had happened, but she is unable to grasp the foundation...unable to blame...unable to face...unable to choose...unable to succumb...yet unable to die... was it her?...was it him?...or was it just God...? she desperately waits, for a signal, a sign, a voice, a way... she could have shifted to the dryer side of the pillow, but she stays on the damp part. she is in love with her desolation, its the only thing that's left of him.  as the damp pillow becomes more sodden...

..As my driver impatiently honks through the traffic at Clifton...swearing loudly...i sit at the back, clutching my handbag, and those numerous shopping bags, of J.J, Khadi,Mumtaz Abdullah, Threads & Motives and Sentiments. with this satisfied smile over my face. i had literally surfed through every mall and bazzare of  Karachi with my sister and had shopped till < my driver had > dropped...<seriously i admire his patience to wait for someone like me who is as dreadfully and unbeatably indecisive as me> its 12:30pm yet still....the roads are crammed full of cars,bikes,rickshaws,buses,chinichis...and whatever kinda transport you can dream of...i mean like even gadha garis !:P.  but i soooo love it !:D:D:D    it reminds me that Eid is almost at our doorsteps...and its preparations and shoppings are banging at our doors!:D i love the way its the only day i wake up early in the morning....to have breaksfast...<3 i love the way it makes us soo...

looked in the reflection... saw u in pain.. saw an emblem.. of the past which is just so hard to explain.. i break the mirror.. and i am blinded by tears.. waves of guilt cross over my tormented soul, the endless queries.. shower in my wits.. can i not assist? am i a hinderance? is this de ja vu? or is it poles apart? i wish ur sores to be over.. i wish you to just trust me.. because i know.. the map of your present path.. its the map..which has been engraved in my mind because once.. i was walking down the same conduit, and once the same stones hit me.. and because once..i fell down right where you are standing and that one day..you had come along to rescue me.. now its my turn.. ill pick you up.. on the same track.. where i once.., broke down..!!  p.s: something once written by me, it was written before i  realized ...that i did help, not by doing something for you. but just by always being there...:)

Those years spent with you,  Evoke different moments, different thoughts, different memories, different feelings...! I still remember how our conversation started just over a dim-witted literature book...and it ended in to something so much more. I recall those times when you teasingly used to pull my cheeks, my hair...and sometimes even my nose!:) The way we spent late evenings together after school...just laughing our time away... The way we took the longest course to get to the bus, just to spend more moments together...:) the way we missed each other, and the way we found a home in each's presence. our tears have always been allied because each of our life is so tangled up into each other, that its difficult to figure out which problem is really whose! :) I still find it cute the way we call each other with a multiplicity of nicknames, the way we take random pictures, the way we are so selfish about each other, The way we pass incessant promises of being always together,...

as i step out of my house...my feet land into a puddle...! but instead of frowning i smile...as i engulf deeper into the most beautifulest aroma ever... ...its the smell which drifts even the stubbornest of soul away...a smell which softens even the numbest of hearts....a smell which spreads smiles on even the hungriest slum kids...its a smell which is cherished by every love couple...a smell which is most treasured when walking with friends... trust me...because what i smell right now,is the most beautiful of smells...its the smell, which is the rainy season kinda smell...:] finally rain is here...<3 bringing along its usual scent...its usual touch...its usual sound! i still remember that little poem they taught us when we were young...   "the rain is like a little mouse, quite small and grey, it patters all around the ground, and then it goes away" :) this juvenille peace of poetry teaches us everything we need to know about rain... it tells us of its melody....