Thursday, 26 May 2011

in the webs of sorrow...!





I see a piece of broken glass on the palm of my hand...! A piece...alas that’s all what’s left of that delicate glass...yet I still don’t dare to throw it away...!

To prevent it from falling...to stop it from slipping away...I close my palm snugly. I don’t ease my grasp for even a second...because I am afraid of it falling again...!
The tighter I hold onto it, the more it hurts...the more resolute and stubborn my grip becomes the more I feel the pain searing in...! I look down to notice the scars which have started delving in my innocent palm, and the blood which had started dripping down precipitately...as if its afraid of missing out on something...as if it just wants to get to the end...!




The pain becomes excruciating, and it forces me to relegate the broken piece from the base of my hand, which no longer looks like a palm...but resembles a destructed field, with lifeless and decomposed flowers budding inside it...!
As the evil piece slowly falls and strikes the ground, I witness it breaking into a million smaller pieces, I stare at the angry termination of the piece, and experience the wicked pain parting from me, unexpectedly I feel stronger then before as I break away from the tangled webs of sorrow...
I realize that all this time I had been holding onto the leftover piece perfunctorily, and even though I found no elation in it, but I still held onto it, because of the fear that had comfortably nestled inside me, and had secured its perpetual domination over my feeble mind!
now when I look back, I don’t see a wounded and scarred person...I see myself as a survivor from the dark shadows of my past, and feel my dismal turning to wisdom...which loudly says...that sometimes… the best way to hold on is...to let go!

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Exam Fever..!!!!!!

<nokia tune>...i pick up..."hey whats going on?? " <voice on the other end squealing> " exams season thats whats going on"...


we enter the examination venue...silence prevails...only the sound of our footsteps...the opening of our pencil boxes...and the sniff of a random person nearby...! normally these voices go unheard, unnoticed! but today...all these sounds seemed to be awkwardly hanging around in mid-air, as if sniffing and walking are a major sin that the doer is committing and now he has to pay for it!
as we start settling roll number wise in our uncomfortable chairs, we look around at each others faces, and see that the person sitting beside our chair is just a random class mate, whom we had never before bothered talking to...but right now they seemed like the closest of friends, because each was going through the same terrifying trauma...the same deadly fever...the same phobia...! we pass watery smiles at each other, and it feels like we have suddenly made a new best friend...and that suddenly a new term of friendship has evolved in that venue...the "exam buddies"...! :D

we hear a breath over the microphone...and we turn or attention to the speaker...
" welcome to the IGCSE board examination....you are now under full restrictions and we hope that you follow through the rules or the circumstances will be severe...goodluck for your paper" :)
i snort...wow what a warm welcome...!
we see the invigilator entering our room...and suddenly all eyes are upon "him"...everyone of us draws in sharp breaths...because the person standing in front of us was not just a stranger man who had come to invigilate...but he was a 6 feet 8 inch tall guy..a fair complexioned, dark haired and a looping smile kinda guy...! so he wasnt just a guy...NO NO thats an understatement...he was the guy of every girls dream...:D
my "exam buddy" frowns...and i try stifling my laughter...because i know what she is thinking...she is thinking what every girl is thinking...which was..
"thats not fair...the British council did this to us on purpose, they want us to fail in our examination...otherwise whats the point of presenting us with such an angelic\devilish...guy :D

suddenly our teenage thoughts get diverted to something even bigger...the "paper" itself...!
as the angelic\devilish invigilator distributes the paper...we feel our hearts racing at the speed of a race car who is just about to win the race...! and trust me this time we were sure that our heart beats werent beating the rock tune for the guy...they were beating in tune with the paper...!
i look down on the paper...and smile...i see familiar Questions! i look up to see similar faces...as if each of our hearts had met a moment ago and had come up with a consensus...that the paper was easy!
the sound of the scribbling of pencils..could be heard...and this time it wasnt a sinful and an awkward sound...it was a symbol for victory that each of us knew how to fill our papers...:):)
hmm...after a month of racking my brains about what to do next...i found out this blog to be the best...:)
people who first stopover my blog and read its name might think that its all about a sob story of a teenage girl, crying over her bad hair day, her new crush, or her recent breakup...!;)...
Why do people take feelings as necessarily cheerless? Are feelings really all that bad? Are feelings really all that threatening?
In my opinion feelings form our life...in my opinion feelings dont necessarily mean "feeling sad"...or "feeling depressed"...it can mean "feeling happy" or feeling "joyful".."feeling loved"...etc etc...in other words they are a way of living our life…!
People say that feelings are for feeble hearted people...who aren’t strong enough to be in charge of their emotions, well that’s not true...dont we "feel" angry...dont we "feel" like hooting when in high spirits?...dont we "feel" like eating...?
And I am sorry to burst your bubble but you must be really weak hearted if you don’t "do what you feel like" ;)

By the title floodgate of feelings, I mean to make this blog a mode for conveying whenever i am happy or sad!

doesn’t anyone find it weird that, feelings are stronger then us...they conquer us, they "floodgate" us...:)
Yet still, they don’t "play" with us...we play with them:)