“Why do people do that? Are expectations bound to let me down?" I silently exclaimed to myself!
It was a hot and sunny afternoon and the blazing sun was giving me a massive headache...! Beads of perspiration trickled across my forehead and mingled with the tears of rage that were pouring out of my eyes...! I wanted to go back home...but was too stubborn to turn back...slumping on a bench at the bus stop... I looked toward the ground to shade myself from the blistering sun...a shattered glass caught my eye and a thought struck me! I drew near the broken glass and picked the sharpest piece of them all...I knew what I was going to do...!
I ran the blade like glass on my right hand vein.
blood oozed out violently...and spilled on the ground...I was about to put a few more cuts on my hand when all of a sudden i glimpsed something...a man stuck in the gutter... completely forgetting about my bleeding...I ran over to help the man...looking down the gutter I realized that he wasn't trapped there...he was actually cleaning the gutter...!
I stepped back, a wave of guilt washed over my soul...and I was drenched in shame...! here was a man cleaning gutters in front of a thousands of people...a man who was actually touching the gross insides of the manhole, just to earn a few pennies to fight against the odds of life...while on the other hand this was me who was actually getting rid of her life just due to some misunderstandings I had with my loved ones!
Looking away in regret I started weeping...as I aguishly sniffed a nauseating odor entered my nose...my hand automatically reached to my dupatta and I covered my nose to prevent that stench from entering in my nostrils...! I looked around to find the source of the smell and saw a man seated on a tractor, he was picking up all the rubbish thrown by the people...all the rubbish that was thrown by US!...and when I read his face...it didn't express any signs of regret or repugnance...it reflected determination and satisfaction on the fact that he actually HAD a job!
as more blood dribbled across my elbow...I looked down at it in regret...I was again about to drown in the ocean of self pity when I saw some rags hanging by a rope...I strained my eyes to see what it all really was....and saw, that behind those rags a little boy was sleeping comfortably on the hot floor and a mother was tying her daughters braid...it hit me that those drapes were actually somebody’s living place...and its residents actually found comfort in it, they actually found a home in that so called house!...the heart wrenching sight captured my selfish mind and tears of compassion dropped down my face...as I recalled the picture of my own perfect home which I had runaway from just because I couldn't have the darn phone for myself!
My attention got diverted by a crowd of people gathered...I wondered what they were there for...! It was then I made out that I had fallen down from the bench and death was approaching me...!
that moment was not horrifying or fearful, it wasn't miserable or confusing....that jiffy just gave me that atrocious sense of nostalgia...it highlighted to me that how I had completely wasted my life over insignificant issues without even noticing that I was blessed with a thousand of reasons to live my life...my eyes became heavy...and everything spun...yet still what ran in my mind were the people who had appeared before me like angels...the people who were living on streets...and were leading a hand to mouth life just to go on..Just to live another day...!
I saw this as a sign from my Lord...which was clearly shouting in alarmingly bright letters...NOT YET!...and that sign helped me take out my cell phone...and hand it over to one of the people in the crowd...that person called an ambulance...and the doctors were able to breath back life into me...!
Now as I look back I learn that whenever we are hit by the tornado of despondency and gloom, we should learn to collect all our problems into a pile, and compare it with the other catastrophes that have struck the world…with those people whose everyday is just another episode of an unfortunate event…! Like a mother dealing with the hunger of her child, a man working tooth and nail to finance his family, those flood affected people whose houses and lives have been shattered to pieces and the list of dilemmas goes on… By this we would know that someone somewhere is unhappier then us…yet they are still surviving:)