summoning up my past experiences i bear in mind all those little things i did...the time when i was satisfied with those minuscule things in life...i used to find bliss in every butterfly that flew past me, in every penny that my mom used to give me when i helped her out and in every compliment that a passerby gave when i was wearing my cute red shorts with a matching hat..:)...i used to find security just by hugging my favorite teddy bear or by hiding under the covers...and the only thing i was hiding from were the monsters of the dark. i remember how paper cuts were my only wounds and my biggest fall was when i fell from the stairs...! the way i only needed crayons to color up the white spaces of my life and the way mathematic tables were the only thing that bewildered me!
But growing up i experienced the want for "more"...this want grew stronger and stronger until a time came when i wanted everything to change...
i wasn't satisfied with just a penny...i wanted more money to buy a new dress, a better cell phone, a smaller computer, a bigger cupboard and the list goes on and on and on!
i wasn't just fascinated with the pretty patterned butterflies that flew past me, because i found my picture perfect life incomplete without a nice cushion chair or a bigger veranda in front of my garden, i wanted a prettier backyard...and somehow once again my "better list" went on endlessly!
furthermore i started getting more hungry for compliments...a dress wasn't complete without the name tag of funkasia, junaid jamshed,gulahmed or threads...shoes weren't shoes without them being straight from khadi or gucci... the heels weren't long enough without looking taller then the tallest girl of my class, and my hair weren't straight enough, so i finally purchased a straightener... but then suddenly i felt the desperate need of a curler too!
dressing up was no longer simple for me, it wasn't just wearing a matching frock with matching shoes and a hair band, it was a lot more complicated...loreal base (which of course was supposed to be of the right tone), Es tee Lauder lip glosses( which should have a long lasting effect), cover girl eye-shades( which should have just the right amount of glitter), Karaja's eyeliner(which had to be water proof) and lacoste`s perfume became a general part of my "dressing up routine".
i further encountered worse problems then those which were merrily solved by paper work or calculators... crayons were no longer enough and somehow i still noticed those white patches in my life that could only be colored up by more attention, cooler clothes, better shoes, and a social circle which was supposed to be "IN" !
However slowing down i look around and find myself in the middle of a BIG nowhere. i find myself completely drowned in the vortex of shallow things...and realize that all the glitz and glamour isn’t helping me swim through them...it isn't wiping my tears when I get hurt... in fact its worsening the situation, when my supposedly water proof mascara gets smeared...!
then I end up seeking refuge with the comfort of my once upon a time...a time when nothing mattered...a time when big things were opened in small packages...and living in the bottom or at the top of world was not the thought concerning everybody's mind!
Now after walking along this memory lane…I realize that maybe growing up doesn’t necessarily mean getting more clothes, shoes and importance…it just means knowing what to do with your life…and where to go!
I wrote this piece just to tell everyone that maybe…life isn’t that much of a living hell as we think it is…after all its our life…if it wont give us the best then who will…:)