oblivion...!

.Shutting the door behind her, she entered her dark bedroom. she felt so numb that she had to grope for something to support her.... as she made her way towards her bed, she couldn’t walk, she couldn’t think, yet the only thing she intensely did was feel her sore heart getting sorer as every second passed, her wounds had dried so hard on her heart that they had formed a thick covering over it as if to trap every thing that lay inside of it!

she sank to the floor near her bed...and hugged her knees tightly to her chest...as if she was trying to collect herself, putting her head between her knees she felt the unbearable weight of her head, a tempest was occurring in it...and it was blowing everything away...it crashed everything and drowned her in the vortex of memories...she felt drenched in nostalgia.... fat tears sprung out her eyes, and she wiped them only to feel more tears brushing across her cheeks!
 in spite of the fact that they were cold and salty, she could feel them searing up her insides like hot coals had been put inside her soul to burn away! she cried and cried for hours and wished herself to stop, yet still that will to stop crying seemed diminutive in front of the will to break down...! she tried to think clearly but the tears fogged her brain and engulfed her deeper into the past, the past she yearned to get back to...the past when everything was so perfectly arranged according to her likes and dislikes, the past when God actually listened to her!...
she clutched tightly to herself and dug her nails under her skin...the pain seemed sweet to her...it seemed to divert her mind from bigger evil to the lesser...blood started oozing out of her elbow and face as she scratched herself everywhere..it dripped on the carpet and on the picture she was holding...as she saw the portrait clotted with blood she stumbled to the bathroom to clean it up...as it was the only thing that had not changed...and she didnt want to be responsible again for the same...entering her bathroom she opened the shower over her...as the cold water trickled through her neck she gasped...and fell on the floor...! She started crying again..!
seeing the razor in front of her she longed to slit her wrists open and let herself fall...but she didn’t want to breathe her last that way...because she knew deep down that a deeper hell awaited her after that...all she wanted was to wither away by the will of her God...and find herself a place in bliss!
she sat on the floor and silently prayed to her God to take her away...she pleaded to Him that if her deeds were good enough , then He should call her to Himself!...because she could no longer survive in the worldly assumptive world...! She had lost her place long ago and was miles left behind...she had no more power to follow those people who had left her behind and she didn’t want to either...!
thinking of those people tears again found their way out of her eyes and effortlessly streamed across her cheeks...her insides were blaring...it was like her feelings had been bottled up inside her small existence for so long that they were desperately trying to get out...they clawed her heart as if blaming her for the trapdoor she had set shut for years!
wrapping herself in her bath towel she walked to her bed and stared hard at the ceiling, not wanting to sleep, not wanting to close her eyes, due to the fear of another untamed dream entering her mind a delusion that was similar to her life, a trance that would be hard to control, a vision that would add up more supposition to her already crammed life!
But the exhausting day forced her eyes close, she drifted away and fell into the sweet oblivion that came with sleep...!