the floodgate of feelings:)

as the cold water clings to me and forces me down, i fight with it, but my strength is failing me,  so i give up the fight... it all started, with my mom screaming at me for being late from the party, " you are one of THE MOST irresponsible,INSOLENT, SPOILT, and STUBBORN brat-like daughter, i have EVER produced" "MOM! dont you thing you are over reacting?" "over reactin OVER REACTING? i will show you whats OVER REACTING!" <throwing her big blue shoe at me> she was going berserk, and was screaming at the top of her lungs, struck by the shoe, i compeletly lost it!  i grabbed my car keys, and strutted out the front door saying," dont wait up for me mom, you won't be seeing me anytime soon" driving out the car porch, i steered my car in the worst possible manner ever! breaking every red signal, and ignoring every speed limit sign, stopping by the nearby superstore, i grabbed a sackful of beer, and drank it, 50 miles after,...

love ends the minute you stop wanting to be with that person, and begin trying too hard. love isnt love, when you have to fight hard for being happy, its unconditional, and ends the minute someone starts laying conditions, at that point we should realise that, it was just a lesson, from God, and we need to extract something positive out of it, since God makes no mistakes. since He has written each of us a life of our own, a life, which definitely, has the ability to give us the best:) all we need to do, is look hard, and keep in mind that, there is always hope, theres a sun in the day, and there are stars in the dark, there is a moon in a starless sky, and there is a rainbow after rain.

...and staring at the blank screen, i think and think, wondering what to write about, wondering how to put it in words, wondering how to make it all seem real.. the circle i keep travelling in has no end, even when i finally gather up the courage to break it, i break myself first, what i want to write, may seem like a repetition of what i have always been writing, but then again that's just how it is, an evil circle, an unfathomable darkness, an untamed dream... and i realize, that today, finally, the day has come where my own words fail me...:)

The pain is digging in her soul her insides are searing as she watches it all drift away she cant help screaming... but either her screams go unheard or you have stopped believing maybe something went misunderstood or maybe, the scars hold too much meaning... now it feels like she's holding on to whats no longer breathing what used to make her strong has left her bleeding... all the lies are easier to face its just the truth, which isn't leaving but as her hope sinks lower, that faith, is still not depleting because, when she thinks over and over, if the pain is worth the dealing? she always finds an answer by her floodgate of feelings....:)

It was September 22, 2010 Yet she still remembers...those frantic cries...those pleading prayers, those sleepless nights,those desperate apologies, and that sullen goodbye... it happened more then a year back, but its still fresh, those never-ending tears, those regrets, the excruciating pain of parting, and the want to know more...to know what had really happened. She still recalls those harsh words, those cold expressions and the frozen clock which took hours to tick away each second...! She even remembered the nervous breakdowns, the comas, the constant trips to doctors trying to figure out what was wrong, when all along she knew her best cure. But in spite of all the worries, the depression, the pain, the trauma... something still stopped her from walking away...something still stopped her from letting it all go. It was faith itself,  faith in all those words he said, in all those memories they made, those times spent together those laughs t...

she journeyed within the circles of the violent storm which, keeps hitting her, over and over,  and over and over again;  but she doesn't stop,  she doesn't give in;  she still stays strong,  and doesn't move. she takes one resolute step after another though left in broken pieces she, doesn't even try, to collect herself together the anger throbs in her head,  the frustration seeps in,   the obsession unravels yet she remains hidden but as her feelings  find their way she  ardently starts to pray because,  she doesn't want her eyes  to  give her secrets away...

i will drift away as i hear you sing, and your beautiful voice in my eyes will bring, tears surging out,  like summer spring; so i will close my eyes,  let it flow as my dreams will slowly,  grow two wings and even if, you let me go you will still be my prince but hand in hand, we will walk the path as your mellow murmurs, soothe my heart,  we will cross each journey with that silent vow to never loose hope to never part  <3